My Friend
You said that you'd always be there and you understood me... You said that you read me like an open book and knew my heart. We used to talk without words. Just a look or feeling and we knew exactly where we had each other.
We laughted and the sun was shining. The fishing boat, the bloody jackfish, barefoot, the coffee thermos... The backpack for hunting, the dirty car and the shot gun pellets in the pocket... You slept with open mouth beside me in the car. You snored. We giggled like little girls even though grown up with stubbly beard. Our raw, boyish gallows humor was in bulls eye all the time, the jargon, choice of words and person chemistry was so tight, everything just coincided... We had the same background. Loved God, but had a hard time with religion. Were fascinated by Jesus, but couldn't always understand His disciples. Tears always streamed down our faces during worship and we were secure by being wulnerable in each other's company. We shared life and I thought we always would...
We laughted and the sun was shining. The fishing boat, the bloody jackfish, barefoot, the coffee thermos... The backpack for hunting, the dirty car and the shot gun pellets in the pocket... You slept with open mouth beside me in the car. You snored. We giggled like little girls even though grown up with stubbly beard. Our raw, boyish gallows humor was in bulls eye all the time, the jargon, choice of words and person chemistry was so tight, everything just coincided... We had the same background. Loved God, but had a hard time with religion. Were fascinated by Jesus, but couldn't always understand His disciples. Tears always streamed down our faces during worship and we were secure by being wulnerable in each other's company. We shared life and I thought we always would...
Suddenly. We are strangers. Misunderstands everything. Reads everything wrong. We still speak without words, but every look hurts. Rumors that you spread hurt. Is it true? I don't know what to believe anymore... We are crying on both sides and it's raining. The fishing boat is upside down, pulled up on the shore. The blood from the jackfish has dried and it smells. The feet are bleeding, the coffee is cold and leave black stains... Cold religion. Empty, echoing, humid stone church. I'm afraid of you - you of me.Who has bewitched you? Who has sown fear into your heart? Who has stolen you from me? I'm still here. I'm crying. I miss you. You said you'd always be there and that you understood me. Why don't you call? Why don't you write? I don't know what went wrong... How did it happen? How did it it turn out this way?
Maybe I wasn't sufficient. Didn't have the strength to be what you wanted or wished for me to be. You felt like I betrayed you, but I had to follow my heart, or die. Do you understand me? Maybe, or maybe never...
Nothing has really changed. If you want to, let's forget everything?! If you want to, I want to be your friend again?! My hand is streached out. Why don't you take it? Pride? Injured? Hurt? Sorry. Sorry. Once again, sorry. Doesn't seem to help. Imagine if everything could be like it was. Just for a few minutes.
My friend.
By Johannes Amritzer
